I did set an alarm so i could take the efexor at 0630, but i was still already drenched in sweat by that stage.

i have done some things today but have felt much more lacking in energy today. It’s an odd tiredness. It’s not exactly sleepy tired, though I think I probably could go to sleep if I relaxed enough. I haven’t been doing that though because I don’t want to risk making it harder to sleep at night. I don’t even know if it makes a difference. If I felt really shit I would have a nap. I’m not denying myself sleep. I just want to have the best chance to restore a proper circadian rhythm and that means trying to do the typical kind of schedule where possible. My mind is awake but my body is lagging behind a bit. My mind is alternating between thoughts that move very slowly and in single threads and then very complex thoughts all happening together at the same time at high speed.

It is a bit lonely here staring into nothing and thinking thoughts of varied velocity. I can see things around me that need doing and that I would like to do but I can’t summon the energy to make my body do them. And I am not beating myself up about that although I am exerting a bit of effort to not. But sometimes I feel like my body is trembling although I am pretty sure that it isn’t and it would be nice if someone was here to snuggle and make that unpleasant feeling a bit more bearable. That is when I find myself starting to have some idle dark thoughts. Is it really that a cold turkey change of medication is super bad or is it that they do it this way so that they can be reasonably sure it’s safe to leave me alone(ish) and unsupervised and I won’t have something bad happen to me. Coz that way no one needs to take time off work to watch me or I don’t have to be put into hospital or something. And the progress of commerce and economy and capitalism is not interrupted..

I feel like those thoughts would be a bit less likely if I had a warm lap to lay my head on while I was thinking them, or maybe a fluffy body with a little vibrating motor inside it.