I want to spew forth some of the muck in my head each day in the hopes that maybe it will make my head a little less full. like a pensieve, that would be handy. what a wonderful device one of those would be for people like me who are ‘blessed’ with an incredibly active mind that is prone to dark thoughts. my pensieve would not be filled with silvery wisps, they would be not quite tangible charcoal colored snakes, writhing around each other in frustration due to the impotence being placed in a stone bowl would cause.

my ipad keeps trying to tell me that i have spelled ‘pensieve’ incorrectly. has no one at apple ever read harry potter? and in that train of thought, why is it that no matter how many times I add certain words to the t9 dictionary in my phone, those words are not there the next time I wish to use them in a text? it has things like ‘l8r’ but won’t let me add ‘fuck’ or derivatives thereof? ‘fuck’ is actually a real word. some people might not consider it to be a nice word, but it is a real word nonetheless.

sometimes I do not know where to start, because there are so many different trains of thought to choose from, so many things I want to pour out of my head that I might better be able to see them, organize and clean them before I put them back. but maybe instead of telling myself that i need to do at least five minutes of tidying I should instead put a limit on it. that way i cannot become overwhelmed by too many of those snakes all at once.

and there is also always that slight fear that if I leave my pensieve laying around in the ether for all and sundry to happen upon that one day someone will come to lock me away, to try to fix me. but what i fear is that there are no drugs or electric shocks strong enough to protect me from what is inside my own head.

..

in an attempt to not end on a downer, I will share something that i am a little bit embarrassed about. I finally gave into the curiosity.. and I read twilight. and then new moon. and then eclipse. and then breaking dawn. and then midnight sun. I read it, and i enjoyed it, even! it’s a love story with a happy ending and a bit of supernatural stuff thrown in for good measure. I am all about the happy endings. and contrary to what a lot of the criticism seems to say, I didn’t find bella unrelatable.. I found her very relatable. but that is discussion for a different day, maybe, if anyone is interested.

I am not, however, going to share about reading the fanfics. there is such a thing as too much information.