July 2008 – jaded

I’ve seen it about, and it seems to have amusing results :)

Go to UrbanDictionary.com and type in your answer (or the closest thing to it) to each question in the search box, then write the first definition it gives you.

Your name: Jade
There were actually quite a few entries, but this was definitely the most interesting:
verb. To pour Hypnotiq all over your partners naked body and then lick it off while stimulating your partner’s sensual areas with your tongue.
Licking hypnotiq off of someone’s titties, penis or twat. Ass jading is not recommended (Hypno and ass juice do not mix well).

How old are you? 27
the age all rockstars die at:
jimi hendrix
jim morrison
janis joplin
kurt cobain
alexander the great
james dean
river phoenix

One of your friends: Kate
Kate is a synonym for cool.

What should you be doing? Coddling an unwell Abby.
The result for abby:
a somewhat abbreviation for “abnormal” meaning, odd or bizarre.

Favorite food: chocolate
A drug for people with no money; health necessity for women.

Hometown: Brisbane
I’m not sure I agree with this definition, though…
The capital of Queensland, Australia. It’s as great as Sydney and Melbourne without the wankers!

Car you drive: Neville (his name)
1.A male sovereign or monarch; a man who holds by life tenure, and usually by hereditary right, the chief authority over a country and people.

2. Physical attractiveness or personal qualities that arouse all women sexually.

Magna (his model)
adj: the ultimate, the maximum of something. To the extreme.

Last person you talked to on the phone: Daniel
This is a difficult name to define because it defies many boundaries of human perception, let alone various languages. One of the closest translations that experts give is God or many other variations of that general idea.
Other definitions are thought to be:
Tao
Chi
The Great Spirit
Chuck Norris
Energy
Infinity
Sublime
ect
Despite the fact that various names have been pinned to Daniel, its seems that all of the above examples (including that of God)cannot even withstand the magnitude of Daniel.
The reason this name continues to elude even the brightest of human minds is that the idea of Daniel cannot possibly exist in a dimensional state. Daniel is so powerful, it defies all laws of this or any other universe. Recent studies have shown that people who have attempted to comprehend this name have either disappeared, died spontaneously, or driven themselves into a pertinent state of insanity and/or catatonia. One common belief is that Daniel is possibly the grounds on which everything and nothing is based. It seems to surpass the idea of infinity. Quantum physicists report that this Daniel is Everything and Nothing. It or He is said to have unexplainable connections with the String and Superstring Theories as Daniel resonates within every single layer of the multi-dimensional complex and yet still exists beyond that point which is where scientists have lost the trail. Various theologists and spiritual leaders believe that Daniel is one who is, as they say, “The Answer”. All attempts to understand this idea of Daniel have failed.

—– Original Message —–
From: jade leth
To: Daniel Leth
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008 8:48 AM
Subject: work

just had to share with you how MY work day has started out.

i got your son to drop off to sleep and thought that this was good, i could have my cup of tea and start tidying up a bit while it was quiet with him asleep and the girls still in bed.

except as soon as i stood up to do something he started wailing as if i’d tried to chuck him in a snake pit or something.
then another wailing started. it was your daughter, at the top of the stairs, demanding i come up there to carry her down. i succinctly told her that it wouldn’t be happening, and that is the point at which she threw her drink bottle down the stairs. after making sure that it was infact just the drink and not herself, i tried to carry on with what i was doing. both of them got angrier and louder. i heard abby taking her nappy off. then stephanie started coming down, since she had been dressing herself. she called me, saying that abigail had made a mess with the nappy.

the dear child had decided it would be a good idea to fling her full, sodden nighttime nappy down the stairs. the nappy obviously did not hold up to such force, as on each stair of the bottom two thirds of the staircase there was a pile of wet gel crystals that had come out of the nappy. so i told her off good and proper and got some paper towel to pick up as much as i could and then got the vacuum to get the rest. except the powerhead didn’t seem to like it and instead of sending it up the tube into the vacuum it spat it out the back so that it came and hit my legs. so i used the raw end of the vacuum tube to vacuum up each of the stairs.

i went to wash my hands once i was finished this and was doing that and abigail asked for some toast. so i put that on and was buttering it when she was talking about getting a new nappy. she said “one for each bum?” i said that she only needed one for her, since i had already changed kristian. she said he’d done a poo but i didn’t really pay much attention because i couldn’t smell anything and he hadn’t grunted or anything.

then he walks past and i see it seeping out the sides of his nappy and already on the back of the nappy where he obviously sat in some that had leaked onto the floor. frick.

so i had to wipe up the floor and then him and of course, fight with him and wrestle him to actually be able to wipe his disgusting little arse, not to mention everything else of his that i had to wipe since the shit was EVERYWHERE. stephanie estimated when i was finished that it had taken about 9 or 10 wipes, and i would concur with that.

so, i hope you have a nice day.

jaded

i want to believe

Month: July 2008

urban dictionary meme

an email