intentions

I always want to write stuff down much more often than I actually get around to doing so. I always think but my thinking is often done simultaneously while also doing some other activity which does not lend itself well to pressing buttons on a keyboard, like washing dishes or folding clothes or driving a car. I would really love to have a peripheral device for my computer or iPad that I could dictate into straight from my brain. I know that voice recognition has gotten quite good but I don’t want to say things out loud. That is too hard. Even when it is only me there, it feels like it is too exposing to use my voice to express my thoughts rather than using a more tangible method such as writing or typing to record them.

I used to write my journal entries towards the end of the day.. when I was not completely exhausted at the end of the day. It has been a long time since that happened. I have always slept oddly – not quite turning off all the way, and when it was just Daniel and me I suppose the lack of interruption to my sleep and responsibilities that necessitated getting up at a certain time allowed me extra sleep that made up for the less refreshing sleep, maybe.

intentions

scattered

Is your cat plotting to kill you? I have been a bit slow moving this week, I think, being as how it is Menstrual Week. I’ve had a bit of a headache for a couple of days, I think this morning my body was trying to decide if it should go the whole hog and be a migraine because I started to feel sick too, but thankfully that passed and it just went back to the head being sore. Last week I had a huge migraine, the throwing up, can’t move, kill me now kind. They are only that bad I think maybe once or twice a year. I often feel sick but rarely actually throw up.

My thoughts feel a bit scattered. I am tired, and it feels like I am always saying that and I think it’s because I’m not very good at sleep. I think a lot of the time I don’t get all the way to how shut down your brain and thoughts should be for proper refreshing sleep. Things are still going, I’m still thinking of ideas, ways to do things, this and that. It’s like that half-asleep phase you get where you have enough awareness to know that you’re not asleep but not enough to actually interact with your environment voluntarily. (The technical term for this is hypnagogia – “the transitional state between wakefulness and sleep”) Last week we went to the doc for new prescriptions, and I talked to him about my sleeping problem. He gave me some pills to try out. I’ve had a half twice now. I decided to start with a half when I discovered that they cost $18 a box for 14, since they’re not on the PBS. I am hesitant to take them on school nights because of the warning stickers about it maybe affecting your alertness and stuff. I know that I sometimes do have decreased alertness after certain other medicines (which is why I don’t take those on school nights either, unless I really really need to.) Anyway, the couple of times I did have it, it seemed to help. I didn’t actually remember stuff from the night time, indicating that maybe there weren’t things to remember :)

Last week when we saw Luke he also made me have an ECG because when he took my BP he noticed that my pulse was quite fast and then after I had my turn talking to him and it was mum’s turn he took my pulse again and it was still fast (except I didn’t know he was going to do that so it wasn’t white coat or anything like that). I said it was probably because I was a bit highly strung that week, what with having had the incident a couple of days before, nasty migraine the previous day and then been in the principal’s office that morning. Anyway, the ECG was normal and somewhat interesting. (Though frustrating when the girl who did the test wouldn’t give ME a print out of my squiggly line without asking Luke first. It’s MY SQUIGGLY LINE!)

koru1 Last Monday I posted something I made to the person I made it for and I was anxiously waiting, waiting to see when it arrived and if it was liked. Then on Wednesday I checked the mail only to find the parcel returned to me! It had been opened by customs, their yellow sticky tape was all over it and they left their usual brochure in there. I don’t know why they should have been doing that and leaving me information about “what you can send to Australia” since I was sending it FROM Australia, not TO Australia. So I took it back to the post office and asked WTF. They basically said they didn’t know but told me to get a clear plastic bag so that it could be resealed up and still see the address, postage, markings etc and they would send it again. So now I am waiting again for it to reach it’s destination.. Oops, I just realised that I left those customs brochures in there when we resealed it up. And it’s still lacking a personal note. See: thoughts, not so collected.

I think it is now time for me to go to bed and have some (well, half of one) of those expensive pills, since it’s a Friday night and I don’t have to worry about being awake enough to drive in the morning.

scattered

tired

I am so tired. I think I could just about fall asleep sitting here. Just haven’t gotten a really good night’s sleep this week, for a variety of reasons. The weather is changing and I think that makes it hard, it varies between being really warm and being really cool, we’ve started keeping the door open at night so I can hear a lot more noise from outside. The other night Kristian was just unsettled and grumpy so I kept having to go and soothe him. Then he wanted to be fed at 0430. Which gets done and I go to sleep for all of another half-hour before Daniel’s alarm goes off and Abigail decides it’s time to go downstairs too. She was up at 0500 this morning, too, because “my bink need billing up.”

I am thinking that if they think they’re waking up that early tomorrow, I’ll need to drug them.

tired