parent sex/married sex

First of all, I do understand that this lady’s post was somewhat tongue in cheek and exaggerated for the comedy value, but these kind of posts kind of disturb me. And I have nothing against her personally, it’s just her post has gone viral and is being talked about a lot right now.

But.. is it literally “just me” or is this what most people’s lives become like after they’ve had kids? Or been married for more than 5 minutes? Why is it almost always implied that it’s inevitable that you either lose interest in each other or have no time for each other after you add young people to your family? A recent group conversation that Daniel and I were a part of, someone made a comment about how “[they’ve] only been married for a month and aren’t having sex anymore, so there’s no way that you can be still!” (Because we have been together for 17 years.) And then there are comments on this lady’s post to the effect of “omg you’re going to emotionally scar your children by having sex while they are awake/in the house you suck at parenting and marriage.”

I thought part of being a good parent was to demonstrate a happy and healthy relationship for your children? But why does that mean having to have a super-quickie in 3.5 minutes (and that implies one person got much more enjoyment out of the activity than the other) so that they don’t know what you’re doing? I know you’re not going to leave a baby crying while you get busy, but if your kid is more than like, two, then they’re old enough to understand that they don’t always get what they want immediately and that parents have needs too, which – shockingly – might not involve them.

I really am curious about this. Though my children might like to pretend that Daniel and I do not ever do anything but lay together in our bed reading our iPads and being completely boring, I know that they know that is not actually reality. (And we readily admit to finding great amusement in jokingly reminding them occasionally that such activities do occur. It’s like feeding your toddler lemon.. you know you probably shouldn’t, but it’s just so easy and their reaction so hilarious that you really can’t help yourself.) I don’t understand why they think it is disgusting for us to have sex/make love/fuck (whatever term floats your boat). I don’t recall thinking that way when I was younger. I’m not talking about considering the ‘in-and-out’ (soz), logisitcal, nitty-gritty details of what we do, because yeah – thinking about anyone else’s sex life apart from your own in that kind of detail is kind of weird. But they’ve picked up the idea from somewhere (certainly not here) that the very concept of there being a physical aspect to our relationship is gross. Even kissing (and not even fully gung-ho kissing, either) each other in their presence is enough to elicit complaints. But I just don’t know why. It could just be yet another example of how I was not a typical child but I always understood that kissing, hugging, touching, making love were all pleasant ways for adults who love each other to share affection and I don’t remember ever thinking that was disgusting. (Now that I am an adult I also understand that some people like to do these things with people they don’t necessarily love, and while I don’t personally relate, neither do I particularly care as long as everyone is informed and consenting.)

But back to the whole “parent sex” thing, where you’re just about acting like fugitives to hide from your children to get a few minutes together when it’s been “almost a month.” Is this really real? Like do normal everyday reasonably young and healthy couples really go that long without fucking? It’s like that whole “six week rule” after you have a baby. No one actually does that and waits for permission from someone not attached to your genitals before starting to use them again, do they? For most people, does becoming a parent really mean that other people get to set the rules for your sex life?

parent sex/married sex