I am really out of the habit of recording the processes of my brain, and I would like to fix that. I decided to set a new rule for myself to try to do at least five minutes of thought pouring each day.
One of the the reasons I want to do this again is because the processes of my brain are somewhat in flux at the moment and I would like to keep a record of that. last week we went to toft and we did the exercise we sometimes do where we each select a card and then everyone else tells us what they see in that card. I had a few differing responses to my card, but one of the things that i got from it was that darkness can’t be removed or erased without rendering the light meaningless. darkness and light are rely on each other to exist, to have definition. light cannot be defined as the absence of darkness of there is no such thing as darkness. so in order to be able to live in the light, I need to accept and allow that the darkness must be there. I must know what the dark looks like and feels like so that I can reach towards the light and so that I can recognise when I am there.
this is not to say that I think I didn’t or don’t know that, but that maybe I have been forgetting it a bit as the darkness grows and I feel a desperate need to have it fixed, taken away, cured, banished before it drowns me. I don’t want to drown, i want to float on top of the water… But I want to acknowledge the monster below and respect it’s power so that I can enjoy the breeze and sun on my face as i bob along the surface without being in constant fear that it will leap up to eat me.

my card was ‘comparison’ from the osho zen deck, which I borrowed from my mum since I forgot mine.