A revelation.

When I look at myself in a mirror, I see a tired crazy person. I see not only the partial physical reflection but what I feel like on the inside defining that image as well.

Our new bedroom in our new house has mirrored doors on the wardrobes, which are side long to our bed. So when we first moved in, it was a surprise when I kept catching sight of myself as I came and went, or when I was sitting on the bed reading or whatever. Is this how I look to people further removed from me?

The thing I noticed most was my back. It’s really odd to be shocked and surprised about something that has been part of you for over half your life. My spine is curved. But because it is from back to front, and I normally only see myself from the front on, it is not something I often see. And I’ve become so practised at being careful of the way I sit and stand and lay and lean so as to not irritate the muscles in my shoulders and back which must pick up some of the slack where my spine is not doing what it should that I do it now without consciously thinking about it, it’s a habit. So even though every movement I make is in consideration of this deformity, I rarely actually think about it.

It’s so noticeable. It’s so pronounced. There’s no way that anyone could not notice it, looking at me from anything other than perfectly straight on. Surprisingly, I never get asked about it. I am surprised that a kid at school or kinder has never said to me “Why is your back like that?” Maybe they’ve whispered it to their parents and have been told “SSH! You don’t ASK things like that! It’s rude!”

So the revelation was: if I don’t see the hunchback.. does that mean that other people don’t see the crazy person?